Hey Travis—Thank you for sharing your journey. I can relate to your post. I, too, was/am a high achiever. When I checked into treatment in 1987, I was encouraged to listen more than I talked. Sobriety was new to me and my life was a mess. So I listened and learned. After a few months, I realized I could be helpful to those who were brand new so I started sharing a bit more of my story. After a few years and lots of accomplishments—things I could have never done as a drunk—I started to have depression combined with these overwhelming feelings of inadequacy (or maybe I had those feelings all along but I was just so busy, I didn’t take the time to acknowledge them). So I started questioning myself—how can I share my experience with others if I can’t even follow my own advice? It was pointed out to me by my therapist and others whom I trusted that not only was I a high-achiever, I was a also a perfectionist—which is the destructive flip-side of the high achiever coin. I am re-reading this book for the 7th time “The Spirituality of Imperfection” by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham. I am
37 years sober and still need to be reminded frequently that all of which I experience and my reactions to those experiences are what makes me human.
Lois, your story truly resonates, and I'm so grateful you shared it. It’s amazing to hear from someone who’s been on this path for so long, navigating both the highs and lows with such honesty. Your point about perfectionism being the flip side of high achievement really struck a chord with me. It’s a tough truth to swallow—that the very qualities that push us forward can also weigh us down.
It’s a strange cycle, isn’t it? The more we achieve, the more we demand of ourselves, and suddenly, nothing less than perfection seems acceptable. I’ve been caught in that loop myself, wondering how I can offer advice when I struggle to follow it. But your reminder that it’s our imperfections that make us human—and relatable—was exactly what I needed to hear.
I also want to thank you for being my very first subscriber to The Year of the Opposite. That’s something I still think about and appreciate deeply. Your support from the beginning means more to me than you might realize.
I’m also looking forward to reading The Spirituality of Imperfection—especially given how much it’s meant to you. It sounds like one of those books that’s worth coming back to whenever life’s challenges start to creep back in.
I hope you and Gregg are getting to travel and catch as many jazz shows as possible. Please give Gregg my best—he’s never far from my thoughts. Thank you again, Lois, for your wisdom, your support, and for being part of this journey.
Travis, your vulnerability is a strength. Thanks for the reminder that even the most driven of us need to step back and recalibrate sometimes.
Thanks buddy that really means a lot to me that you said that. 🙏
Hey Travis—Thank you for sharing your journey. I can relate to your post. I, too, was/am a high achiever. When I checked into treatment in 1987, I was encouraged to listen more than I talked. Sobriety was new to me and my life was a mess. So I listened and learned. After a few months, I realized I could be helpful to those who were brand new so I started sharing a bit more of my story. After a few years and lots of accomplishments—things I could have never done as a drunk—I started to have depression combined with these overwhelming feelings of inadequacy (or maybe I had those feelings all along but I was just so busy, I didn’t take the time to acknowledge them). So I started questioning myself—how can I share my experience with others if I can’t even follow my own advice? It was pointed out to me by my therapist and others whom I trusted that not only was I a high-achiever, I was a also a perfectionist—which is the destructive flip-side of the high achiever coin. I am re-reading this book for the 7th time “The Spirituality of Imperfection” by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham. I am
37 years sober and still need to be reminded frequently that all of which I experience and my reactions to those experiences are what makes me human.
Lois, your story truly resonates, and I'm so grateful you shared it. It’s amazing to hear from someone who’s been on this path for so long, navigating both the highs and lows with such honesty. Your point about perfectionism being the flip side of high achievement really struck a chord with me. It’s a tough truth to swallow—that the very qualities that push us forward can also weigh us down.
It’s a strange cycle, isn’t it? The more we achieve, the more we demand of ourselves, and suddenly, nothing less than perfection seems acceptable. I’ve been caught in that loop myself, wondering how I can offer advice when I struggle to follow it. But your reminder that it’s our imperfections that make us human—and relatable—was exactly what I needed to hear.
I also want to thank you for being my very first subscriber to The Year of the Opposite. That’s something I still think about and appreciate deeply. Your support from the beginning means more to me than you might realize.
I’m also looking forward to reading The Spirituality of Imperfection—especially given how much it’s meant to you. It sounds like one of those books that’s worth coming back to whenever life’s challenges start to creep back in.
I hope you and Gregg are getting to travel and catch as many jazz shows as possible. Please give Gregg my best—he’s never far from my thoughts. Thank you again, Lois, for your wisdom, your support, and for being part of this journey.
- Trav