The time I paid friends to pretend they voted for Trump
A social experiment that may provide a useful lesson for today.
Thomas Jefferson said: "I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend.”
The idea of choosing your friends or distancing yourself from family based solely on who they choose to support in a political election seems deeply unamerican to me. But sadly it seems to be very fashionable again as we grind through the last days of this painful election cycle.
I understand this isn’t a new phenomenon, and I am sympathetic to the idea that people feel so moved and energized by their own favored candidate that their passion can overwhelm them enough to consider the other side to be an enemy. I’m sure I’ve even been guilty of this in the past and I’m ashamed of myself for it.
Today I’m going to tell the story of a time I bet my friends to run a sociological experiment.
If you know me well, you’ll know that I don’t gamble - but I love to bet. I have a spreadsheet of bets and predictions with friends that goes back nearly 20 years now. I bet on the silliest things. It could be something morbid, like predicting when a professional rock climber who free solos massive cliffs without safety ropes will eventually fall. Or something lighthearted, like guessing how long a company will survive before going bankrupt after receiving a government tax incentive.
One of of my favorite sociological experiments and bets was during the 2020 election when Donald Trump was running against Joe Biden.
I offered several of my friends, most of which were liberals that were voting for Mr. Biden, $400 if they would make a Facebook post announcing to their friends and family that they voted for Donald Trump for president. The only rule was they couldn’t take down the post or explain themselves for 48 hours.
The first thing that shocked me was that only 2 of my friends agreed to take me up on the challenge. I was stunned that everyone didn’t sign up for the free money I was offering.
But most people were scared to make the post. That fact alone, deeply troubled me.
I thought: “This is America. It can’t really be that bad to tell your friends and family that you’re voting for someone that received nearly half of the votes in that election.”
But two of my friends did take me up on the challenge.
One of my friends is not very political and doesn’t use social media that much. His post had nearly no reaction. That relieved me a great deal. I was very hopeful that my bet would fail and I would be proven totally wrong.
But the second person received a very different reaction.
Their family and friends were quite upset. My friend was nearly disinvited from an upcoming family dinner. One member of their close nuclear family let out an audible scream when they learned the news. They received several text messages and phone calls expressing their disappointment with their Facebook post.
It was unfortunate to see. It even inspired my friend to make this post about the experience:
I have to say, the person that I paid to make this post is one of the best people I have ever met in my life. They are a person that I have known for nearly 2 decades, I consider a brother, has never told a lie that I can recall, and has the highest integrity and character of any person I’ve ever met. He is the kind of person that others call when they need help. When they need someone to help them with math homework, or stay by a hospital bed side, this is the guy they call. Hell, he’s the guy I would call.
I think it genuinely confused him how people that are his loved ones could judge him so harshly and severely simply based upon who he decided to vote for. But it happened. We both got to see it with our own eyes.
I am starting to see this behavior again and I hope that we can take a step back and remember that our political differences, our religious differences, all of our differences - are what make being human amazing. We should all try to be very careful to not judge people based off of their beliefs or ideas, but try to as best we can, make those determinations only based off of their individual character and the behaviors that we observe first hand.
If your uncle Remus generously taught you how to ride a bike, bait a fishing hook, and how to fly a kite - you shouldn’t write him off simply because he spent 5 seconds casting a vote that you don’t personally agree with. It’s just not worth it.
Remember, we are all just voting for other imperfect flawed humans that will undoubtedly let us down along the way. That’s the way it always has been and the way it always will be.
So I have two questions for you:
If you are vocal about your political beliefs and active on social media, would you accept my bet and do this yourself? Let me know. I may offer you the bet!
Have you withdrawn from friends or family because of a political difference? Do you regret it? Or have your friends or family withdrawn from you because of a political disagreement?
Thank you so much for reading. I look forward to learning from you.
Also, remember, these are never lectures but reminders to myself. If you enjoyed this or got any value, all I ask is that you share it with 2 friends. It means the world to me.
I deliberately withdrew from most social media, including Facebook, following the 2016 election to prevent other people’s toxicity from entering the four walls of my home. I do not regret that decision at all.
Somehow, I still manage to keep track of the things I need to know, and of family, friends, and former friends, without engaging with them on social media.
The behavior since that election of family members and of others who I once considered dear friends was very disheartening.
It wasn’t their differing political or religious beliefs that bothered me. It was the uncovering of their bigotry and deep hatred towards those who are different from them that felt so sad to me. I don’t know how I didn’t see their prejudices before.
Last Christmas, one family member of the opposite political persuasion sat next to me with their cell phone, and repeatedly shared derogatory political memes directed at my political party.
I responded by occasionally chuckling, but not saying a word. My family member soon got up and walked away, apparently frustrated with my lack of response.
Walking away is exactly what I did when social media went from sharing happy moments to bullying others.
Plus, it’s a relief to not have to constantly “like” other people’s stuff.
Wow! Fascinating experiment! How did you get that idea?!
Feels like people used to be able to disagree in this country and it was fine. Wonder when that changed..... sometime during the first Bush administration? Or maybe I just think that because that's when I could vote and started working, paying taxes, and engaging in thoughts and and political discussions.
1) No way :) I find the less time I spend talking about politics, and even volunteering, or engaging in most ways to be an unproductive use of life force. Funny enough thinking about this year, despite what I just wrote, I've engaged in a few initiatives and am currently working on one.
2) No, but I have unfollowed people in the past on Facebook to avoid seeing negative political posts. Recently I deleted Twitter from my phone. I get sucked in to politics on there way to easily.